How will I know
If he’s thinking of me.
How will I know . . .
If he loves me
if he loves me not.”
Whitney Houston’s iconic lyrics will no doubt be playing in many minds this Valentine’s Day. Not, however, because we are remembering or paying tribute to Whitney’s powerful voice. More likely because the question “How Will I Know….if he/she really loves me?” teeters on the edge of our brain cells as we wonder how the object of our affections is going to demonstrate their love for us on this special day. Or because we are wondering if the person we “want” wants us back and whether or not they are going to call, text, Facebook message us, send flowers, or buy us dinner by candlelight.
Frankly you may as well pick up a daisy and pull the petals one by one like a five-year-old….he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me . . . .
You see, the way we’ve been taught to love isn’t really love at all. And Valentine’s Day only reinforces this bad education.
Most of us are “seeking” something outside of ourselves. We are searching for love. Not within, but out there. We are waiting for someone to come and demonstrate how love-able we are through their actions. We have been taught that love is about getting rather than giving. We believe that we are loved when we receive messages, gifts, actions, behaviors that make us feel love-able. The problem is that if we don’t get these we stop feeling loved.
When we are single, alone, don’t have a Valentine’s date, the mailbox is empty and there aren’t any flowers on the doorstep, then we no longer feel loved. In fact, when that happens we don’t just stop feeling love-able, we start feeling suicidal! Then, those brain cells that were just pondering some Whitney lyrics suddenly get real craaazy and the question is no longer “How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?” instead, it goes more like…..
” Why hasn’t he called/emailed/texted me yet? Asshole. He said he liked me? What’s his problem? I don’t like him anyway; jumped-up, arrogant, mother-f***er! ……….pause……..breathe………sob………… SHIT……. oh why do I fancy the pants of him. It’s not fair! He’s so gorgeous. I love his smile. So handsome…….. Maybe his phone has run out of juice? Perhaps he’s planning a big Valentine’s date surprise……..oh GOD…….why does this always happen to me……..nobody loves me………..I hate myself………..where’s the vodka?!”
Sound familiar. You can replace the word vodka with whatever addictive substance or activity that is your preference for numbing your pain. I one-hundred-percent guarantee you have one!
Yup. We’re all messed up. But it’s really no-one’s fault. I mean Jesus tried to tell us! Buddha laid it all out. Krishna commandeered us, but, us humans…. we like to do things our own way.
The truth is; love is Divine. It’s something that exists around us, within us, everywhere, all the time. It is an energy form that we can all tap-in to. Any place. Anywhere. Any time. When we access Divine love, rather than the love of someone else (who is most-likely not tapped-in to divine source meaning their love battery is going to run out pretty fast!) then our ability to love is endless. Then we can really love. Deeply. Truly. Divinely. Then it has nothing to do with what the other person is or isn’t going to give to you. Whether that’s chocolates, the foot rub they’ve been promising for weeks, the lie in while they watch the kids, the call to arrange the date, or the simple gift of a compliment. When you are love you have no fear of whether or not the other person is going to love you back. When you know you are love-able and you have learnt to access the love within you, others know it too. They feel your truth. They gravitate towards you because they know you don’t “want” them, or their ability to love, but rather you simply want to share your love with them. The love you have for yourself. The love the Divine has for us all.
When you have stopped seeking love from somewhere out there and started practicing how to access the love within, the love trade ends. It’s no longer a mental struggle or an emotional battle to “win” the affections of the other. You have no more Whitney lyrics playing on your mental iPod , or any other love-songs for that matter. It doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy a little romance. But you love differently. You no longer seek love from someone else. You give love. You radiate love. You are love.
So, if on this Valentine’s Day you are wondering “if he/she really loves you” know that you are asking the wrong question. The question you really need to be asking is “Do I really love me?” You won’t waste hours at the gym getting buff so as to physically attract someone, or days trialling your hair and make-up so as to look perfect for that hot date, or weeks studying so others think you are super smart (because you aren’t sexy, but brains are the new botox, aren’t they?) instead, you will spend time in meditation. You will take time to connect your heart to nature, to the Divine, to others. And when you ask the question again “Do I really love me?” and the answer in your heart is 100% YES, then you’ll stop asking, wondering, fearing, hoping, questioning whether or not others love you and start sharing the Divine love that radiates through each and every one of us. And you won’t give a toss if no-one sends you a single Tweet on Valentine’s Day. But they will : )